Stress is a big trigger to my seizures, I know what your thinking. why did I start university with a young child and my fiancé on a course too? I want the degree, to be able to get a career in the future. Just like everyone else.
I have things I like to do to relax, but its just not very straight forward, let me explain. Since university started I have two days off a week. Wednesday is normally my day with O, I take him to Tiny Tumblers soft play and stop off at McDonald’s on the way. Friday, however, is MY day. I like to colour, catch up on television; game of thrones, Lucifer, Grimm, The flash etc. etc. No kids programmes! Bliss. I swear I have seen nearly every single episode of Paw Patrol. Of course I do my work too and I always fit in some reading. The main thing I do, is write. I love to write, hence my chosen course ‘English and creative writing’. I tend to write Fantasy, and sometimes Romance. Despite them not being her chosen genres, my Nan (Spicer) has always been my biggest fan, complementing my work and encouraging me to continue. Writing my two blogs, and my autobiography are completely new to me, and they started, because of my favourite module ‘writing media’, I also found a new love for writing reviews because of it.
Don’t worry I do clean too, just in the afternoons. The beauty of university, I’m done by 1pm most days.
Bad E days like to mess all this up! They are eternally the Bain of my existence. I cant read, I forget what I’ve read and end up re reading it. I cant write, my silly hand wouldn’t allow it and laptops, phones and IPads have this annoying, persistent blue light that effects my brain in mean ways. I don’t know the science behind it, I don’t want to, it wouldn’t change anything. It doesn’t stop me feeling like the world is against me on those days. But you know what? Can you imagine a whole day, on your own with nothing to do! I cant even clean as my legs aren’t strong or stable enough for long periods on my feet. It is beyond dull. Excruciatingly boring. So, no. I don’t do as I’m told. I do watch television. I do go on Facebook (that’s the worst one). But it is impossible to not break the rules.
Sometimes it effects my family though. Rich and O will come home and O will want cuddles and to play. Most of the time I cant. In these cases I have no one to blame but myself. I feel that the decision is between two things though, not being able to tuck my son into bed that night or slowly but surely going crazy and driving myself to depression. The answer for me is clear. One night or years? If I didn’t do things whilst my seizures did as they wanted for a whole day I would be left to sit in silence, bullying myself.
Seizure days are hard, but so is life. Sometimes you just have to knuckle down and get on with things.