I started my first year of University September last year, studying English and Creative writing. I had been looking forward to it from the moment I applied and when I was offered an unconditional offer (I already had my A level grades), I was ecstatic.
Oscar was in Crèche, on campus, 5 days a week. Richard and I had different days in lectures to one another, so took it in turn taking Oscar in and doing house work at home.
I started off really well, hardly missing any lectures, getting work done at home, but by the end of my first semester it got a lot harder. My seizures got much worse and more regular, most likely caused by stress and tiredness (despite not feeling either of them). I pushed through uni until Christmas, hoping the break would be enough to de stress and give me a boost of energy again.
I was wrong, they were still there, if not more vengeful. Day after day after day they punched me, dropped me, beat me up physically and mentally. Again and again and again Richard was forced to pay for the bus to take Oscar into crèche on MY days. I missed lecture after lecture after lecture. To the point where I had missed so many of certain ones, I felt lost when I did go in.
I not only miss lectures, but I’m unable to even do my course work on the laptop or read the slides from that day. It got harder with each passing day and with each misbehaving seizure.
Now, days like today (Myos all day, a pink cheek from a bust up with myself and a killer migraine), I force myself to go in. I can’t not, or I will be lost again. There are certain days I physically cannot make it in and those days are the worst, but it seems, even my good days aren’t good anymore.
Everyday I sit full of exhaustion, sadness, hatred and annoyance because of this disability, but I push myself on, secretly longing for a reasonable time to call bed time.