epilepsy · Living with Epilepsy · The seizure queen · Uncategorized

What’s the difference?

When the flu strikes you try your best to stay away from the infected – this was me, about a month ago when the boys moaned and ached and lay about.
I mean, we all know man flu is much worse right πŸ˜‰.

Well, either my immune system is through the roof and I didn’t catch it from them, or it’s just been lingering inside me ever since, waiting for that opportune moment to strike me down in misery and self pity. Come on, give me a break – I’ve been 3 days seizure free (latest record BTW) so my hateful, evil body decided to torture me some other way instead, just at the peak of exams and essays πŸ˜”.

I’ve been aching deep within my bones for the past 3 days and I’ve had enough. I managed to find a haven yesterday, through strong aspirin and ibuprofen, it was blissful a half hour after I took them and I was right as rain. Apart from the hot flushes, but I can deal with those. I realised after 4 hours I needed to stay dosed up though, so I did.

I did exactly the same thing today, feeling a rubbish 40% not much higher than my usual 34% on a seizure day, but it felt better than before – until it wore off and I realised I only had one dosage left. No lie, my heart shattered!
I couldn’t get to a pharmacist at this time of night so I had to save them for tomorrows lectures.

Within in minutes I started aching again and eventually uncontrollably shivering – I was so darn cold.
I even went as far as saying to Richard

‘give me a seizure day any day over this!’

The ache and the headache and the coldness – I get all this after a Grand Mal and yet, it wasn’t the same. The fatigue wasn’t consuming, the aching was reaching my soul as well as my bones and limbs and the headache was semi bearable, – so why did I say that?

Probably because I didn’t really care at that point, or maybe that it was the unfamiliar? Possibly, because you forget the pain after it’s gone so you think a brand new pain is the worst of your life.
If I go through this nearly every week, why wasn’t I coping?

Because, deep down, I kind of didn’t want to. I wanted to be looked after, BUT NOT BECAUSE OF MY DISABILITY – Just once, I sort of felt. . . normal.

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