epilepsy · Living with Epilepsy · Mama bears story · Oscar · Seizure · The seizure queen · Uncategorized

Emotional rollercoaster

So, today has been a serious emotional rollercoaster of ride.

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It started, first thing this morning. And I mean, first thing, fresh day at 1AM. 😱  We don’t quite know what was wrong or what happened, by O had woken himself up crying, naturally we passed it off as usual with a fresh bottle of milk and went about our sleep endosed way back to bed. A few minutes later he was up again, and again and again and again. This carried on right up until half past, when I finally went in and picked him up out of his cot. He had worked himself up so much he was having trouble calming down and breathing. Whatever spooked O last night, left him clingy and tired. He ended up in our bed for 15 odd minutes to calm down, having cuddles and a soothing chat, before finally heading back into his own cot for his much needed escape into slumber.

Naturally, the next morning, my Epilepsy came to say hello and pay a much unwanted, unneeded visit. But, being the stubborn, idiot I am, I ignored it and cracked on with my morning. O had woken up and been left on my lap with a sodden, leaking nappy, so I clicked into mama mode and went to start changing him. – Boom! Here was my second emotional drop. The Myoclonic shakes were attacking in full force and, despite my best efforts, one managed to catch the cheeky little Gremlin smack in the face.                          Safe to say, I didn’t carry on changing him, in fact, I moved him away from me, tears swelling in my eyes, and cringed away from his inquisitive gentle touch.

What sort of mama was I?

I couldn’t believe what had just happened and was mentally beating myself up, even when Richard returned to the room from getting O’s clothes from downstairs. Of course he tried to comfort me aswell as a confused O, he tried to reassure us both. But, I couldn’t get it out of my head!

My seizures had just hurt the most precious thing in my life and there was no way I could have stopped it. Not if I wanted to remain an active part of his life!

Thankfully, my next change was a shooting incline for the stars of happiness, rather than a plumeting fall into the pits of hatred. We had a parents meeting in Creche today, O’s first one in his new class. We saw all the fantastic painting and activities he has been doing with his key workers and class mates. It’s obvious how much he enjoys it and how much he has achieved since he first started in September. My heart swelled with pride at his progress.

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Shortly after we got back at home, however, we received another phone call from Creche, the calpol hadn’t worked and his temperature had sky rocketed again. Back on the bus we went, the little gremlin was hot to the touch, and whiney. I think he was just tired but he did nothing but cuddle. I guess it was just destined to be a long torturous day for us.

2pm and we are home, watching Cartoons and desperately trying not to drive one another crazy.

 

Please share or comment with your stories guys 🙂 I would love to hear them

xx

 

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