Creative writing · epilepsy · first aid · Living with Epilepsy · Mama bears story · My work · Oscar · The seizure queen

Epilepsy Vs Mama – A day out with both O and E

This June we are going on our first family holiday, to Spain, to visit my parents and siblings. 

You see, my parents decided to have some sort of a mid life crisis. They had had no luck with finding a new house in Wales and theirs had bee on the market for quite some times. It was my grandparents who started it all off, when they brought a holiday home out there and took my parents away. Finally their house was sold, so now they needed to move. So, who knows why, they settled on moving to Spain, for good. Not just anywhere though, not Malaga, Madrid or even Granada. They moved to a small town in the mountains.
So, nearly a year after they moved, we have been invited to go and stay with them in their new Spanish home.

Before they left, we went back down to Pembrokeshire to stay and say our goodbyes. I might not tell them, but I do miss them, so does O. They were living at my Nan and Grandads just before they moved, so unfortunately when we went down it was a strange, intriguing, yet spooky place for O.

He was absolutely fine during the day, amusing himself with the new place to explore. That first night, though, was one of the worst. Ever! O started off in my Grandads room (they were in Spain) and Richard and I were in the front room. O woke up once, twice, three times. Each time screaming, agitated and unsettled. By the 3rd time, we knew he wasn’t going to go back to sleep. My Myos were already playing up by the 2nd time he woke up, let alone when we ended up brining O into the front room with us. He climber, screamed, mumbled, fidgeted and didn’t relent. 4:30 Am crept around and it turned into the perfect tone to give uk and just get up. For Rich and O at least. He always thinks of me and allowed me an extra 2 hours in bed in the hopes of my seizures stopping in time for the next day.

They didnt!

That morning I had a Grand Mal aswell as all the annoying Myos. Life never goes the way we want, but if I gave up after every seizure, I wouldn’t get anywhere in life.

We had a trip to Folly Farm planned for that day and I knew how much O loves it there. He adores animals and I knew my little sister F was just as excited. I pushed myself to the limit that day and refused to let it beat me. I wasn’t going to be the one to ruin everyone’s day.

It was hard. Very hard!

I had never felt so physically challenged before, in my whole life. I had no energy or strength to help. It was like getting myself up and ready with the weight of the world pressing down on me.

I was so determined for everyone to have a good time, I even shuffled around the park to start with, my brother had O and Richard helped me. I didn’t manage for long, after about half and hour, I was sat on a bench and wasn’t going anywhere anytime soon. I was done and not only felt physically awful, but felt bad for my state aswell. The odd stares and glances didn’t help either, as tears glistened my cheeks.

The rest of the trip I was wheelchair bound, unable to move my legs from lack of energy and exhaustion and aches. Imagine you limbs aching in flu and times it by 10 – you have the seizure aches and pains. Being in the wheelchair was a weird feeling and unusual experience. I was unsure what to make of it, knowing I could stand and walk on a good day, I was left feeling awkward.

It’s bad, I know, but I hoped I never had to be in a wheelchair again. That my seizures would never leave me that helpless again – guess I didn’t get my wish.

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