I’m normally quite an optimistic person, I don’t let my seizures have control of my life. Although I may go a bad day or two recovering, I get back to it the next day and move on.
If I didn’t, I would live a very secluded, depressing, meaningless life. Which there isn’t much point in doing.
I’ve never been worried about driving, I knew I wouldn’t be able to any time soon after my 18th I was right, for years later I’m still nowhere near being able to apply for a provisional. It wasn’t until recently though that these little things have started to get to me. Started to bring me down.
Its not easy, not being able to drive and relying on public transport constantly. Richard is learning, but even then I’m still restricted if he is out or busy.
To add to this, I’ve been starting to get more and more annoyed in regards to work. I’m in my second year at university, where I’m studying English and Creative writing, which I love and enjoy. I always have enjoyed writing and being imaginative. But, that wasn’t my first choice, or my second, or even my third.
People always say life gets in the way, in my case my seizures have gotten in mine. I wanted to be a midwife at one point in my life ( in fact, I still do deep down ), but I am not allowed due to work times and stress. I’m not even allowed to do the training until I’m seizure free or better controlled thanks to the medical exam to get on to the course.
I applied to university to be an Archaeologist, I didn’t go because I had my little boy, but I’m glad I didn’t seen as how much hands on with old, delicate and important artefacts friends of mine are during their degree. I break most things I hold, kettles, plates, phones etc etc. The list goes ever on. Myoclonics are a very close friend of mine, you want something spontaneously dropped and destroyed – hand it over. 😒
My final dream was to be a primary school teacher. ‘Unfortunately due to unforeseen and unpredictable seizure activity you will be unable to partake in teacher training until better controlled and reliable’. Don’t get me wrong, I understand why, I wouldn’t be reliable and trusted to be left with a class full of young children incase of a seizure. It would not and SHOULD not, be their responsibility. Doesn’t stop it hurting and bringing me down.
So, here I am, hoping by the time I have finished my English degree my seizures will be controlled and I can continue my education into what I WANT to do rather than settling on something I’m ALLOWED to do.