epilepsy · Mama bears story · The seizure queen · Uncategorized

Why does she hate me?

*** Debbie Downer Post. ***

 

I swear this Bean hates me. 😞
I’m constantly in so much pain and aching everywhere. I can’t get comfy anywhere or any position. I’ve tried lying down flat, on either side, curled up. With and without my pregnancy pillow. On the sofa, on my bed, even on the floor!!

I feel like such a whinge for moaning because I have the smallest bump known to man and everyone is always telling me that too, so I try not to say anything to people I physically know. 😭

Don’t get me wrong, I’m so grateful to have this little princess growing inside me. I know I’m lucky, and I’d never wish it differently. But….

– I’ve had such bad hyperemisis Gravidarum (severs morning sickness), that I still get days of it now at 25 weeks, and during my first trimester I lost a stone and a half in a week!!
– I haven’t had a decent nights sleep in a week, the nap I had this afternoon was probably the longest I’ve slept for a while now. This then triggers my seizures too, which cause more aches and pains and headaches and stress. Etc, etc.
I feel like I’m living with a constant migraine. My back is in bits with every step or bigger movement I make.

Everyday I just want to curl up and cry – in fact, I do that most evenings once I’ve gone up to bed. I face a constant battle in my life anyway, and this pregnancy has amplified it into a war.

I’ve done a few posts already about being pregnant with seizures, all from the experience I had with O. Everyone always says, ‘every pregnancy is different’ and I never really understood the impact of those words until now.

My OH is really good with it all, he does so much around the house, with Oscar, for me. But, I’ve not told him quite how bad I am and how much this pregnancy is just brining me down. πŸ˜” I’ve enjoyed buying things for her, especially the beautiful ‘scandi’ clothes my little boy rocks already, but I’ve not enjoyed being pregnant one tiny little speckle.

The worst thing is, I feel so guilty or feeling this way, when I’m growing a whole tiny little human!

Sorry for the moaning post guys, I just needed somewhere to air my thoughts, someone where most of you don’t know me personally.

Xx

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